The Strong, Sensitive Boy Paperback – May 3, 2010

Exposes Our Male Culture of Cruelty and Its Devastating Effects on the YoungThis is a really good book that everybody needs to read, not just the parents of highly sensitive boys. If I could I would make it a 10 star. It's not a fun book to read, but a deeply saddening and troubling one because it exposes the fact that we and our cultural backwardness are the cause of our own problems. When I read that 80% of boys raised in the North American cultures of the United States and Canada are taught that no emotions are acceptable except anger, I was deeply saddened. Yet, even though this book brought back some unhappy memories of my own childhood as a female HSP, it also made me feel better about it because I realized that all the bad things that happened to me weren't my fault.Also, although the author didn't say anything about it, I couldn't help but think that we are breeding our boys for war. I may be wrong, but that's the only thing I can think of that a person who is in a constant state of anger and combativeness would be good for. I looked up the top ten weapons makers in the world, and guess what? Numbers 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 and 9 (6 in all) are situated in the United States. To me that suggests that we've got to have wars so that all these young men we have brought up to have angry, combative personalities can have something to do and the weapons makers can sell their weapons. I keep wondering which one of these came first, the weapons industry or the teaching of our sons to be killers.It's not hard to understand why we have so much violent crime in this country, both in and outside the family, and so many broken homes. One wonders if this is going to go on until we blow ourselves off the face of the earth, or are enough people going to wake up to the devastating effects of this culture of cruelty in time to save us.The author also speaks of the cultural and media driven notion that there is only one type of body a man can have if he is to be successful, powerful, virile and masculine, and that is a highly muscular one. With this idea promulgated everywhere, why are we condemning the young men and boys who are desperate to get the approval of society for using steroids to get our culture's idea of the ideal body? In fact, this is the only way a young man with an ectomorphic physique can get a muscular body no matter how much time he spends in a gym. Are we that much in denial or just incredibly stupid?There is also the matter of the highly sensitive male automatically being stereotyped as a homosexual when there is no scientific proof whatsoever that that is so. But we have a culture that is bound and determined to believe that anyone who doesn't fit our concept of what is masculine must be feminine. There is no room for any other type of person. What I want to know is what do people think about Jesus Christ? He was compassionate. He was kind. Have all those he-men who claim to be devout Christians been worshipping a homosexual all these centuries? Why does he get respect when other men with these same traits don't? How can you both approve and disapprove of the same thing at the same time?Check out some of the highly sensitive men's stories in this book. Some of them are tragic and heartbreaking. They were not acceptable human beings to their parents, teachers, school officials and other boys who often bullied and beat them unmercifully on a continuing basis. What would you do if you were in this position and had no one to turn to? Some teens and children could find no alternative but to commit suicide. As far as I'm concerned, the blood of these youngsters is on the hands of our "wonderful" American culture. Frankly I think it's the epitome of hypocrisy to call ourselves the kindest, most generous people in the world when we hold up angry, violent males as the ideal of American manhood. Every so often some of these hypocrites make a lot of noise about wanting to ban guns as if guns were the cause of the problem. I shouldn't have to say this because common sense should tell you that violent people will use whatever is at hand to beat and maim others. They don't necessarily have to have guns. What we need is a culture with a different attitude, a grown up attitude, if that's possble.Long ago a famous author named Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem about what it takes to be a man. The poem was called "If," and it, too, became very famous. Some thoughtful fathers hung copies of it on the walls of their sons' rooms. The language is a little archaic for people today, but it would behoove a lot of people in this country to take heed because it never mentions the flashy muscle guy or the tough, heartless and cruel combatant. Instead it talks about having faith and trust in yourself; having the courage of your convictions; having the patience to see a thing through to its conclusion; avoiding lies and hate, your own and that of others; the courage and fortitude to rebuild your life even though you may have lost everything and have to start over with nothing; not being a whiner; being impervious to the taunts and slights of lesser men(and they are lesser men because if they weren't they'd be too noble and high minded to taunt and slight others. Those are the actions of little men.); to have the ability to speak with and relate to people on all levels of society without treating them as either inferiors or superiors.The ideas in this poem strike me as better precepts for boys to grow up with than glorifying behavior that is turning all too many men into detriments to society rather than assets.In conclusion, the book is loaded with helpful information to use to help a boy who is an HSP, and I think, is a must for anyone that has a child like this in their family. Considering what we are up against, we need all the help we can get. We are a genuine minority group whose rights are being trampled all over big time. We need to organize and start demanding change. Changes that are good for us will be good for every human being. Don't believe for a moment that those guys can't express anything but anger aren't suffering. Their families and society as a whole are suffering too.

My 9 YO boy just wanted to know why he was different from the other boys at school. Why didn't they get upset when it was time to switch seats. Why was he the only one crying when they ran out of time to finish the art project? What was wrong with him? We read this book together and it has made a huge difference. Just finding out that he wasn't the only one, that it wasn't his "fault" when the tears came, empowered him. Finding out that he has super senses (taste, hearing, smell) has given him confidence and pride, and he has decided that being highly sensitive is a gift and not a curse.I, like others, would have liked more scientific research to have been included, but I understand that this book is in a different format with a different goal. I am grateful for the suggested readings and other sources cited in the book.

Being a highly sensitive person myself I was able to pick up on subtle signs that my son was displaying. Knowing that his gender would make his experience as an HSP unique to mine, I began looking for resources. As a therapist and the mother of a sensitive boy, this has proven to be one the best books that I have ever read.Ted Zeff provides insight into the sensitive boy as well as permission for boys and men to be unique to their own design and desires rather than stereotypes defined by society. Upon beginning this easy read, I was able to implement strategies for addressing my son's actions, emotions, as well as his communication style. I also quickly realized what I needed to change about my parenting style.I have recommended this book to moms who describe their boys as shy or sensitive. The Strong and Sensitive Boy has helped me to work with adult men who struggle with feeling different than their peers.We live in a world that equates physical strength and lack of emotion with manhood. Ted Zeff does a wonderful job of teaching us ways to help our caring and compassionate young men find a voice, and tools for living in a world in which these positive traits are negated.The most important thing that I have learned is that sensitivity and compassion are not opposing traits to strength, rather complimentary. As a mom and a therapist, I would highly recommend The Strong and Sensitive Boy.Kim Rapach, LCSWOwner/TherapistBending Birch Counseling, Inc.WEBSITE: [...]EMAIL: [email protected]