Giant Dixon Pencil

Sure, it's a big pencil, even a very big pencil. I would never, however, characterize this pencil as giant. I guess it's a giant pencil for a child, but I'm not a child. When I first saw one of these at my friend Bruce's condo, I thought, Damn, that's really awesome. Then as I got closer the pencil seemed to get smaller. The laws of optics really don't work that way. For instance, if you put your index finger really close to your eye it looks huge. EA Poe has a story about it. Check it out (I forget the title). Anyway, sorry for the digression, back to the so-called "Giant Dixon Pencil". OK, like I said at the start, a truly giant pencil has to be at least over 7 feet tall. A 6 foot pencil just doesn't cut it. You wouldn't think that a mere foot would make such a difference, but I am here to tell you through direct experience that THIS PENCIL IS NOT GIANT. Also, I would go further and say that this pencil has low object integrity. Yes, objects have or don't have integrity. This pencil doesn't have it. I handled the one at Bruce's condo. It did't feel right. Not only was it at least a foot too small (I think a foot equals like a a third of a meter if any of you are European), it also had a fake feeling to it. It didn't write right, for instance. The line it left was glossy and spooky, like a snail or a slug dragged its snailness or slugness across a piece of dampened paper and left a mucus-like stain. I say no thank you to this sort of pencil. When I found out that Bruce spent over $200 USD on it, I immediately lost respect for him. What a stupid way to spend $200. It is probably funny in an extremely lame way for a total of five minutes. If that pencil were receiving a pro-rated hourly salary, it would be making $2,400 an hour. I think everyone reading this will readily understand why I give it one star.