Where's My F*cking Latte? (and Other Stories About Being an Assistant in Hollywood)

Anyone thinking they'll receive a thought-provoking insight into the wretched ego and excess of the Hollywood celebrity world need to look elsewhere. While this collection of anecdotes and incidents is entertaining, it is extremely thin on anything even resembling personal reflection. They read like someone telling you a quick piece of gossip over drinks on Friday night.Some of the stories seem too contrived to ring true. Even though I have zero experience in Hollywood and can't back up my statement, as a reader I felt that some of the stories were simply invented, or at least stretched to the full strain of suspension of disbelief.Oh well, at least it was a page-turner.

Loved the stories in this book! Some were funny, some you feel for the person telling the story.

Pretty harsh headline, I know. But this book is seriously creepy. The title and description would lead a person to think this will be a light, comedic series of anecdotes. I thought the book would read like a funnier version of "Swimming with Sharks," if anything.Instead, imagine only the scene from "Swimming with Sharks" in which the agent tearfully tells of the time his wife was gang-raped and murdered, and left beside a busy street in Los Angeles while the uncaring rolled past during yet another rush hour. That was the bleakest scene in the movie, aside from the ending.This book is nothing but that scene, over and over again, with a bit of urban legend laced throughout and some crude porn thrown in in a lazy attempt to keep the reader turning the pages. I turned the pages looking for something like I had been expecting, and never found it.Included in this book are these stories, and others like them: A man is orally raped at gunpoint. A dog licks an assistant's backside while the assistant passive aggressively enacts a petty revenge on their boss by having sex in the boss' bed. Two young women go for a weekend in Tijuana and are never heard from again; we are informed they were likely trafficked and will end up 'being cut into pieces alive and fed to dogs.' An assistant's grandparent dies and their boss' cat is eaten by a coyote. It just goes on and on and on like that.I began to doubt the veracity of any of it by about the third story. The cruder details are played up and exaggerated; the writing style is the same throughout, really beggaring the notion that these stories are from many different Hollywood assistants; it seems the slimmest premise is expanded upon and exaggerated until it sounds like email spam or a bar tale only drunks could believe. For instance: The younger sister of a 'famous documentary director' is trafficked into sex slavery with her best friend and it was never in the news - ever? Come on.On top of all of its other flaws, the book commits the sin worse than lying: It is dull. Boring. Spend your money if you must but you'd be better off just reading blind items online for free, or googling for bitter assistant stories. I have the feeling this is how this book began, as well.

There you are, sitting in your cubicle, your boss reaming you a new one, or asking you to spend your personal time after hours, or an entire weekend to insure a project reaches a timely conclusion. You, fed up with it all, decide to move to Hollywood, chase your dreams, and live the life you see on the big screen.Good luck with that, Skippy.Where's My F* Latte is a hoot and a half. You think you have it bad, this easy to read collection reveals some of the twenty eight most outlandish events, placing your helter skelter, manic Monday through Friday at the bottom of the list. Way at the bottom. And each chapter is real, described under anonymity to protect the innocent and those being revealed. Turning page after page, your mind can't help but work overtime, wondering who is being depicted as the most neurotic director, actor/actress, executive, producer or agent. That's right, Tinsel Town doesn't come close to the real world you and I live in, but reading about it will bring about a sigh of relief you aren't in some of these sad, emotional, funny, exposing situations. You've heard the expression about how crap rolls downhill? These poor assistants swim in it without the benefit of a snorkel, hoping it will lead to their personal big break. After reading the book from cover to cover, you really have to have stars in your eyes and an untold amount of patience and fortitude to endure the heartaches of an assistant.The title of the book itself comes from an actual event that turned into a refrain everytime someone desired to be served. One of my favorite chapters was the Very Big Star. There are a few names I can think of who fit the bill, and I keep thinking of one certain person. There is no way you can read the Young Film Maker without thinking how you would handle an embarrassing revelation while keeping a straight face. Just reading it and envisioning myself in that position made me break out into full fledged laughter. Congrats to the assistant for keeping it together. The Documentary Film Producer will bring you to a halt, realizing things don't always end on a pleasant note. Each and every chapter will give you a reason to review your own work place and realize your personal employment pit of hell isn't so bad after all.By all means, purchase Where's My F* Latte, grab your favorite beverage, sit back in your comfy chair or curl up at the end of the couch and read to your heart's content. I guarantee you will thank destiny, fate, the universe and the Three Wise Men of Bethlehem you chose a different career path. Afterwards, the next time you watch your favorite TV show or movie, think about the hard work it takes to bring everything to production, as well as the unsung heroes who make it happen.The lowly assistant definitely gets the raw end of the stick.

I was soo disappointed! I guess I was expecting the "dirt" on the rich and famous. that trashy tabloid stuff verified as truth. okay maybe not that far, but a least some jucy gossip that we all (for some unexplained reason) love to hear about our favorite movie stars. and the only thing I found was sleep! this book is boring! as for the gossip, I will have to say that there was one or two good gossip stories but the rest was every day, hoe-hum, boring stories that go on in many work places around the world. in other words, not Hollywood specific at all. I've worked in places that have had bigger scandals and more drama than most of the stories in this book. hey-I wonder if I should submit them to this author, spice up his book a bit?! also, it was also a tease not knowing the names of the people involved. I understand why he couldn't identify these famous/rich/powerful people, but I think it would have helped the book if the reader could've put a face with the story, then again maybe not!

Thought this book would be full of interesting gossip, but there's no named celebrities which would make the info more tittilating. In fact the whole book could be written without knowing any celebrities. However, the author claims to have worked with big stars, so I guess some of them must have been well known, but the reader will never know who they are. I also got confused with the gender of the writer. My brain tells me that Mark is a man's name, but the style seems to be very feminine. I can't recommend this book, there are others in this genre which are much better.

I lasted about 25 pages. Should never have bought it. Author writing nonsense about nonsense. Could not raise a smile let alone a laugh. Can’t believe people actually think this is funny.

This book goes into that special category in my life called "books I have laughed out loud at". I would recommend this book for that alone. But behind all this is shock that these immature sociopaths are creating world entertainment and might be why so much of it is not very good. This is a great read and absolutely recommended.

After each story you're left with an annoying feeling of "AHHH I WISH I KNEW WHO THAT WAS!" 😂

This book is a complete scam, badly written, supposedly about real Hollywood people (Identity hidden in every case .)these so called stories could have been written about any boss anywhere but the hook is Hollywood and its nothing to do with that''village''