Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

“Boundaries” by Cloud and Townsend is one of the best books I have ever read. It has helped me better understand myself, my relationships, and the importance of setting healthy limits. The lessons are practical, eye-opening, and truly life-changing. This book gave me the tools to communicate more clearly, protect my peace, and grow in ways I didn’t realize I needed. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to improve their relationships and create healthier patterns in life.

DR HENRY CLOUD has been a guest speaker at my church on more than one occasion over the years. He’s an amazing speaker, and seems like a genuinely nice guy. When I heard about BOUNDARIES: WHEN TO SAY YES, WHEN TO SAY NO – TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE by DR HENRY CLOUD AND JOHN TOWNSEND, I decided to purchase it. I’m sorry to say I let it sit on my bookshelf for some time before finally reading it. Once I got started, I quickly realized what a treasure I’d stumbled upon. There’s so much good stuff packed into 304 pages, I can’t begin to cover it all. I will say that I have more dog-eared paged in BOUNDARIES, then I do in any other book I’ve ever owned. I didn’t realize I had boundaries issues until I read this book. There wasn’t a chapter I didn’t get something out of it or couldn’t connect with. I had thought about skipping the section on “Boundaries and Work”, since I’m no longer in the work field. I would have missed out if I had. It was a real eye opener to when I had worked, and packed with wonderful information if I ever decided to return to working. Boundaries are needed in all parts of our lives including, our family, friends, spouses, kids, and those we work with. We as individuals need to set our own boundaries as well. To not do so would only be cheating oneself. We also need to recognize that God has boundaries as well. BOUNDARIES will teach you all you need to know about boundaries in all aspects of your life, and how to apply them properly. I love the reference to Christianity, but even if you’re not a believer, I highly recommend this book. My copy of BOUNDARIES is filled with highlights, parentheses, and astericks. If I had to pinpoint the most valuable piece of information I took away, it would have to be in a paragraph on page 89. “What you can do is influence others. But there is a trick. Since you cannot get them to change, you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns no longer work on you. Change your way of dealing with them; they may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work.” What amazing advice. How often do we gripe and groan about others? How often do we try to change others, whether in the way they act or what they say? And more importantly … how often do our efforts have a positive result? On page 89, BOUNDARIES teaches us that we are the ones that need to make a change, and by doing so, we may be instrumental in changing other’s life. I can’t even begin to guess how many people I’ve recommended this wonderful book too, packed full of knowledge for every person, written in a way that anyone can grasp. It’s a book that will remain in my home indefinitely.

I have read 5 pages so far and I do recommend this book because the little I have read has help me understand some situations I been going through that aren’t okey to just let them pass like if it was nothing.

This book is a comprehensive look at boundaries, what they are, and the need to set them in different areas of your life. It has a spiritual thread through it as well, which does not proselytize. It is also not overly clinical in the discussions of boundaries and it would be a great read that could resonate with anyone. It is a book I use in my life and with my therapy clients. Check it out for yourself! You might be surprised to see how much you resonate with the scenarios and how much you uncover about yourself in the process of learning.

I can’t even get through the second chapter without throwing up. The book has an odor like it has been sitting inside a bag full of poopy diapers. I tried giving it a couple days to air out whatever stench the book was giving off but it’s still AWFUL. I’m going to have to send it back and get a replacement. Other than that, so far so good. I will update my review after I finish reading.

I have had a bit of a crisis here as of late. I realized about myself that I'm not great about communicating my boundaries. I don't know if you've experienced this, but sometimes it SEEMS that more is asked of me in church, work, and elsewhere, because the assumption is my singleness provides me countless hours of time that I'm sitting around waiting to fill by wandering aimlessly about my house eating pints of ice cream, petting my cat, and growing increasingly more bitter. [Not to say I don't love ice cream, but you'll never catch me petting a cat or wandering aimlessly.] I learned a few really important things in the process of reading this book [and talking to an amazing life coach.] 1. I have to do something about my boundaries. No one else is going to do it for me. Unless I communicate out loud what I keep telling myself internally, no one else is going to know what I'm willing to take on and what I'm not. I have to take responsibility for my own self because no one else is going to. That's not a bitter assessment, it's actually quite freeing. "No" gets to be a beautiful word that helps to set values in their proper places. It relieves us of the pressure to take things on because we might feel guilty. There are often responsibilities we've taken on in our pursuit of passions, God, and enjoyment that make our lives feel full and meaningful. Learning what to say "YES" to will enable us more easilty to say "no" when we need to. 2. In a chapter on boundaries and spouses, I thought I'd just fly through the chapter because it doesn't apply to me, but I found myself knee deep in the concepts. I actually found them quite applicable. I have LOTS of intimate relationships, they just don't happen to be with a spouse. They are with my family and closest friends. I could relate in a big way to a story of a wife bringing her husband to counseling because he was spending increasing amounts of time away from home and she was becoming increasingly lonely within their marriage. She wanted the doctors to "fix" him and get him to want to be home more. Instead, they asked her to take responsibility for herself and her needs. She would sit at home anxiously waiting for him to get home, calling several times a day, and then with mountain high expectations of him when he finally arrived. It was too much for him. He was shutting down and spending more and more time away from her, because she needed him too much. They encouraged her to diversify her interests and friendships. I could relate because the concept applies in every relationship. When our expectations for a person exceeds their ability to fulfill it, we risk them pulling away. No one can fulfill the depths of our needs. We need to know what we're asking of others, and not expect others to be more than they can possibly be for us. 3. Anger is a sign of boundaries being overstepped. Not ALL anger is going to be caused by someone overstepping my boundaries, but it DID cause me to take a hard look at why I feel anger or resentment at times toward others who ask things of me. A lot of times it is because I have a boundary that they are asking me to extend to them, because I haven't told them it was there in the first place. I can't be angry with someone else because I don't honor my own boundaries or because I don't communicate to them the truth of what I'm feeling. What about you? What trouble have you had by not having good boundaries? What keeps you from setting them up in the first place?

Very nice book. Thanks for a great deal!

This book will change your life. I think we underestimate how boundaries can make a difference between a full life and one of difficulties. Reading this book one gets tools for what to do and clearly explained. It is quite a long read and takes time but it is worth it especially for people pleasers.

Extrem hilfreich und unterbewertet. Keine Augenwischerei, sondern ein solides Fundament für ein freies Leben. Obwohl man den Autoren den Background wissenschaftlicher Psychologie abspührt, basiert es auf konkreten Erfahrungen und der biblischen Grundlage. Es ist strukturiert und umfassend, ohne trocken zu sein. Man kann das Buch oder Teile davon immer wieder mit Segen lesen. Es hat meinen Glauben, meine Beziehungen, meine Ehe und andere Lebensbereiche stark bereichert. Ich habe das Hörbuch schon vorher gehört. Mit einem Buch ist es etwas übersichtlicher, da die Theorie sonst untergehen kann. Leider ist es in deutscher Übersetzung tw. sinnentstellend übersetzt und uninteressant aufgemacht.

I needed this book when I got married. WOW!!!

Great book Really enjoyed reading and I have learnt a lot of new tips. Would definitely recommend this book. Thanks

Dit boek heeft mijn leven echt veranderd. Grenzen heeft mij geholpen om beter te begrijpen waar mijn verantwoordelijkheid stopt en die van een ander begint. Dat klinkt misschien simpel, maar in de praktijk is dat soms heel moeilijk. Door dit boek ben ik gaan zien dat grenzen niet hard of liefdeloos zijn, maar juist nodig om gezond, eerlijk en liefdevol met jezelf en anderen om te gaan. Het gaf mij woorden voor situaties waarin ik mij schuldig voelde, te veel gaf, of moeite had om “nee” te zeggen. Wat ik sterk vind, is dat het boek niet alleen uitlegt waarom grenzen belangrijk zijn, maar ook helpt om ze stap voor stap toe te passen. Voor mij was het echt een eyeopener. Het heeft mij rust, helderheid en moed gegeven. Een waardevol boek voor iedereen die wil leren om beter voor zichzelf te zorgen zonder de ander uit het oog te verliezen. Echt een aanrader.

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