How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful Paperback – November 24, 2010

A truly and sincerely remorseful unfaithful spouse will find great help and encouragement from this actually “compact” self help manual. The author doesn’t frill up this book at all. It has no fillers. She is straight forward and to the point which makes it a quick read for those not into reading, but engaging enough to keep the reader interested in turning the next page and starting the next short chapter. A truly repentant betrayer will gobble this book up.It does an excellent job of explaining the damage they’ve caused without being condescending or overly critical. It is written for partners feeling true remorse, who are actively seeking to repair their marriage at any costs. Anyone with less sincerity than that will likely find some of it insulting. (There’s your sign, ladies and gents.)The advice is practical and realistic. It isn’t exactly not invasive however, but the author explains the importance of the more drastic, privacy stripping steps in an easy to understand way, and reinforces the benefits.This will be the first book I will recommend to friends or anyone who is struggling with making the ultimate decision of… do I stay or do I call it? I believe most betrayed spouses would desire a reconciliation that felt safe and good and could do the work if they knew there was genuine hope for the betrayer to do the work that is necessary. I believe this book will show both partners what is possible if all the tools were available from the tool box. Roll up their sleeves, and get to work.Good luck.

This book hits soooo many pivotal points after infidelity. For example, my relationship seemed to be perfect from the outside looking in but I was missing some flirtation from my girlfriend. I really didn't know how to communicate it to her so I went out and received it from somewhere else. After flirting with another woman I was caught when the woman facetimed me at 2am when my girlfriend was next to me and I was sleep. My girlfriend received the answer that she needed to hear and left. At the time I didn't really think I did anything wrong. I did not have sex with the woman and I was not trying to. I just wanted to flirt with her. After reading this book, I noticed many different things about me and my girlfriend. I had to view things through her eyes instead of trying to defend mines. Was I wrong, yes. No doubt about it. I deleted messages, I engaged in a secret conversation with another woman, I went behind my girl's back. All things that she was thinking when I was thinking simple minded stuff.My girlfriend and I have since tried to work through what happened but at first it was extremely slow motion. At that point I was becoming frustrated because it was taking too long to get back on track. Plus I was doing things to get back in good graces with her (spending a lot of money). At a point in time I was ready to throw in the towel because my girlfriend WASN'T TRYING. After reading the book I've learned that it's not about me. It's about what I've done, it's about the pain I put her through, it's about the trust that she doesn't have for me anymore. I had to sit back and realize a lot of things. Is she the one for me, is this where I want to be, is she the woman that I will fight for, and am I willing to go through pain for an unlimited time just to get things back right? My answer was yes. I sat back and became patient.I suggested counseling which she turned down, I asked her to communicate more which she turned down, I asked to be around her more and just converse which she turned down, so I had no other choice but to let this book guide me. I've learned that my girlfriend was having a fight within herself. Her heart was fighting with her mind to see if she could take me back and if she could gain trust again. I've also learned that trying to be around her 24/7 was not good. In present time, I am her pain and pleasure. I had to see that being around me was just reminding her of what I've done. I had to learn that she needs time. Time to process, time to heal, time away from me, time to plan. Since I've read the book, my girlfriend and I have been going on dates and taking trips. We haven't been intimate yet because she said she does not feel comfortable but she has told me that she loves with. It's a process and I can't rush her feelings to click back on so I have to be by side whenever she transitions back to being emotionally attached. This book has been the best book to read to help me back into this relatioship.

Yes, it is short and concise, but that is what I liked about it. My spouse said he wanted to save our marriage, but didn't want to go to counseling, and didn't want to make the changes I asked of him. He made me feel like I was crazy and out of line for what I was asking. This book both 1) helped me to know I was not crazy, but was making normal demands of a spouse that was betrayed, and 2) due to its unimposing size, allowed my husband to take a baby step towards seeing what professional advice is out there and see the reasons behind what I was asking him to do. Yes, ideally he would have gotten the book himself. And some of the steps listed are difficult to swallow and difficult to master. But it sets the groundwork and does a good explanation of why each step is necessary. Get this, then get NOT Just Friends, Getting Past the Affair, or some other book that can go more in depth once you are ready to learn and work.

It is a more than an excellent book .It says it all. It is a spot on and it puts it exactly the Way it is . It answers all the questions. After reading it , you dont feel like reading any other book on this topic.

I found this book incredibly helpful in helping me take the steps needed immediately after the affair came to light. The book is directed only at the Betrayer and provides clear and concise explanations and advice on the steps and actions you need to take to give you the best chance to save your marriage. It is short and provides straight forward advice on the right way to apologize and support your hurt spouse in the beginning and throughout the recovery. It instantly helped me see eye opening insights into our marriage to the extent my spouse was shocked and moved by my level of understanding and awareness of my failure and intentions for the steps I would take to repair the damage. Start reading it now and it will make the rest of your journey much clearer. The author provides numerous additional reading suggestions in the back of the book to help heal the relationship and continue your growth. If I save my marriage I will always feel this book was critical in helping me do that.