Not Quite Out

Content note: The author of this book includes a content warning for abortion, drug addiction, abuse, and self harmNot Quite Out is a thoughtful and enjoyable read that follows Will, a med student still figuring himself out, and Dan, a gentle souled ex-soldier struggling with trauma and addiction. This book does a great job of touching on difficult subjects and treating people as complicated wholes. I love stories that allow their characters to be messy and imperfect, and at nineteen years old things can get very much that. The nuanced flaws give the characters depth, and though Will's neediness and tendency to make other peoples problems about how they make him feel, his true and genuine appreciation of Dan frames that conflict with his own self to help him develop throughout the story. It was great to read a perspective rarely told - someone who is sure that they have the support waiting for them if they take the plunge, but are struggling with themself like standing at the edge of the diving board, second guessing themselves whether or not to jump. The pacing allows events to unfold, and helps us better understand Will as he figures out exactly who he wants to be, and more importantly, when. The narrative has bite, and the character flaws with the slow burn and wholesome intentions give plenty to love about this book, and leave you with the feeling that the two will continue to grow together after the story ends. Overall, an extremely exciting debut and I can't wait to see what the author does next!

Not Quite Out is at its heart a slow burn romance between Will and Dan, told from the perspective of Will, a 19 year old med student at Keele university. It begins when Will first meets Dan and immediately recognises someone in trouble. And because Will has an inherent and almost desperate need to help others, he throws himself wholeheartedly into trying to help Dan.Over time we come to discover that Dan is going through recovery from addiction and trying to escape an abusive relationship. It takes time for him to trust Will just wants to help him, but as he himself says Will is tenacious and manages to break through any walls Dan puts up. But it isn't a one way relationship - Will has his own challenges to face, and as their friendship grows Dan becomes someone whom Will can rely on too.Which brings me back to the title of this book - Not Quite Out is a reference to Will's inability to share that he is bisexual with anyone, even though his close friends are openly LGBTQ+ (including Dan, who is gay). So many times throughout the book he wants to tell people, but he just cannot bring himself to say the words, "I'm bi". Which makes him feel like he's living a lie, and that causes so much anxiety for him.It's a great book that includes a whole cast of characters with fully rounded, complex characters, each with their own challenges to face. You need to take notice of the content warnings at the start of the book (for abortion, PTSD, drug addiction, abusive relationships, and self-harm). And if you want to explore these characters further, the author has also produced a companion novella from Dan's point of view called Tenacity which you can download for free (or by making a donation to Galop - the UK's LGBT domestic abuse helpline) by using the link in the author's Twitter bio.

This is not a book for the faint of heart. It’s an inherently human story, so the characters are flawed and things get messy. There’s drug addiction, abortion, and failed and abusive relationships.Our main character is a young and naïve 19 year old med student named Will whose main drive in life is a desire to help people. He’s also coming to terms with the fact that he’s bi, and facing the dreaded issue of coming out.The love interest is a guy in his mid-twenties named Daniel. He’s an addict, a smoker, a survivor of conscription… and he’s stuck in an abusive relationship.Will, having witnessed abusive relationships before, instantly knows something’s off with Dan, and sets out to help. He is persistent, even where Daniel falters or pushes him away, because Will recognises there’s a serious problem here and wants to pull him out of it.It’s a fantastic post-adolescent angst novel about two young, queer men trying to find their feet in life and struggling through all the challenges young people can stumble into before they truly understand themselves. It’s a deep, sometimes dark, and thoroughly human dive into a very tangled situation, and the story of how the two of them come through it as survivors.On a personal note, I enjoyed the fact that they’re such realistic people. They make mistakes, take the wrong path at times, and flail when things look truly bad. But they persevere through. I think it’s a great display of LGBTQ+ rep because it doesn’t pretend that queerness is always perfect: it shows that queer people are just people, complete with tangled relationships and failures. And I think that’s very important, if only to teach young queers who find themselves in these situations that it’s okay that everything isn’t sunny and it’s alright if it’s not going to plan. Stick together, forgive, trust each other, and you’ll get there.

With Not Quite Out, Louise Willingham tackles a plethora of difficult issues which don't get enough attention in the NA/Adult fiction space. It's very much a slow-burn romance, which grips you from early on and has you almost screaming at the book for Will to finally voice his feelings. We don't see enough queer lit focusing on bisexuality and the stigma and confusion that comes with it, and I think Louise handles this very well.

Not Quite Out is a wonderfully gentle book that still manages to tackle some massive issues without judgement. There is a tenderness to this book that makes it a truly rare treasure.

Such a lovely book. It’s well written and it sensitively tackles issues we see, hear of, or are affected by in life today. Some of the topics here aren’t sugar coated and the rawness of emotions and honesty makes me love it even moreI’m not a big reader but I could not put this down!! Much love