Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is a transformative and compassionate guide for those who grew up with emotionally unavailable or self-centered parents. Dr. Lindsay Gibson, a clinical psychologist, offers clear insights into how emotionally immature parenting can leave lasting scars, such as feelings of neglect, confusion, and low self-worth. She identifies four types of emotionally immature parents—emotional, driven, passive, and rejecting—and provides practical strategies for healing, including setting boundaries and recognizing emotionally mature relationships.The book is structured with clarity, making complex psychological concepts accessible. It includes real-life examples and exercises that help readers understand their experiences and begin the journey toward emotional recovery. Dr. Gibson’s empathetic approach empowers readers to reclaim their emotional well-being and build healthier relationships.Whether you’re seeking to understand your past or improve your current relationships, this book offers valuable tools for healing and growth.

This book was recommended from my therapist to help deal with some past traumas. I found this book very helpful, and would recommend it to anyone else that is going trough therapy. It was an east read, and was easy to follow. This book allows you to open up and learn how to set boundaries in family relationships.

I am a psychologist in private practice in Boston, MA. A client recently recommended this book to me, and I said I would read it with him. When I sat down to read Chapter 1 the night before our meeting, I didn't put it down for another 3 chapters. Since then, I have recommended it to several of my clients. Another client got it and read it cover to cover, crying periodically. I keep it on my desk, and sometimes I will open up to a page and read a paragraph or anecdote to validate something my client is struggling with. Gibson has a clear, accessible style that is not too heavy on clinical language, while including relevant findings from research in the areas of parent-child attachment, family therapy, neuroscience, and child development. She summarizes complex ideas with clear language. For example, she summarizes the difference between "enmeshment" (unhealthy) and "emotional intimacy" (healthy) in half a page. One thing I really appreciate about this book is how it is not framed around diagnoses or clinical problems. In discussing the four types of Emotionally Immature parents, she notes the Emotional parents are the "most infantile of the four types...it doesn't take much to upset them, and everyone in the family scrambles to soothe them...no wonder everyone in the family feels like they are walking on eggshells". She then goes on to say "At the severe end of the spectrum, these parents are, quite frankly, mentally ill. They may be psychotic or bipolar, or have narcissistic or borderline personality disorder...Regardless of severity, all such parents have difficulty tolerating stress and emotional arousal." Basically, we can label and diagnose, but that doesn't address the underlying issue - that these are parents who lack the capacity to meet their children's emotional needs through mirroring, empathy and support. It can take different forms, but that's the common thread. There is much in this book to validate people who grew up trying to turn themselves into people pleasers and emotional pretzels to get that ever elusive positive feedback from a parent. Or for the mature and self contained individuals who had to take on the emotionally difficult tasks their parents are incapable of. And Gibson weaves the threads together deftly to show that any child experiencing the types of inconsistencies and feedback of growing up with a parent like this will have similar experiences. She makes an excellent case, through research illustrated with clinical anecdotes, that the child is not at fault. I'm up to the last chapter on solutions - all about boundaries and objectivity and readjusting expectations. I think anyone who picks up this book will find a useful nugget or much much more. Thank you, Dr. Gibson, for writing this book and helping to accelerate my clients' healing journeys!

The book explained a lot of feelings I had in childhood and even now as an adult. It explained my own internal conflicts and why they were occurring. This isn't a book on how to fix them. They are who they are. It's a book about deciding if you want to live with them in your life, and how you can. It also gives the option of walking away if it's too much. This is a book about how you choose to show up, or if you decide you don't.

I felt like every time I read a page it was a “A-ha” moment. This really makes you think, and understand your upbringing and understanding those who came before you. Helps ease your mind. A great read!