About the Author RICK JOSEPH is a film producer and novelty toy manufacturer who lives in Sherman Oaks, California. He has been credited on such comedy classics as Rush Hour and National Lampoon’s Van Wilder. JASON JOSEPH lives in Buffalo, New York. Read more Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. [ 1 ]The Classic FlipThe originator of the “Screw You” phenomenon. It’s still the easiest and most widely used. Its ease and impact make it a favorite for that split-second “Screw You” flash. Some examples of when to use the Classic Flip are:a. You get cut off in traffic.b. A referee makes a bad call.c. A friend gives you a bad-hair-day comment.Screw You How-To:Bend your arm at the elbow joint, perpendicular to the ground. Keep your forearm vertical. Curl all your fingers into a fist while leaving your middle finger (Bird finger) extended.[ 2 ]The Classic Flip with Arm CrossWhen a classic “Screw You” just won’t do, this one has balls. The emphasis of the second hand coming across and down on the elbow joint of the giving hand makes this “Screw You” much more meaningful.Some examples of when to use the Classic Flip with Arm Cross are:a. Someone drives through a puddle and splashes you on the side of the road.b. You lock your keys in the car.c. The visiting team wins against your home team on a last-second play.Screw You How-To:Bend your arm at the elbow joint, perpendicular to the ground. Keep your forearm vertical. Bring your other hand across the elbow joint, keeping that arm horizontal to the ground. On the vertical hand curl all your fingers into a fist while leaving your middle finger (Bird finger) extended.[ 3 ]The Waving BirdA classic brought back from the verge of extinction. It originally gained its popularity from break dancing during the ’80s. Its resurgence, however, may have come around with the Michael Jackson court case, since many fans felt it was time to “wave” good-bye to the King of Pop in the same style that made him famous.Some examples of when to use the Waving Bird are:a. You’re filled up on sushi and your brother is across the table. It’s a good way to get his attention.b. You happen to come across Michael Jackson on the street.c. You’re giving a friendly good-bye wave to a friend upon leaving a club. It adds a li’l style to your exit.Screw You How-To:Starting with both arms extended, catch the “wave” motion and follow from the fingertips on one hand all the way up and down your arms to the end of the giving hand, then twist your hand around to show the Bird. Warning: This one takes a bit of practice. Doing it wrong will really make you look like an asshole. Best to practice this one in front of a mirror and make sure you can do it smoothly.[ 4 ]The Sly BirdThis li’l devil is a beauty. Scratching your nose (or any part of your face) with your Bird adds a touch of style to the “Screw You.” The recipient sometimes doesn’t even recognize he’s being “Screwed” until it’s all over, and even then he’s not all that sure. This one is great for more structured settings when a blatant “Screw You” is just inappropriate.Some examples of the right time to use the Sly Bird are:a. When you’re at a dinner party and one of the guests pisses you off.b. This is the perfect “Screw You” to the teacher from the back of the class. If it’s done quickly enough you can get away with it. Be careful and don’t linger here.c. When a friend makes a sly smart-ass comment to you.Screw You How-To:Use your Bird to scratch a part of your face.[ 5 ]The DrawA “Screw You” with a Wild West flavor. Legend has it Doc Holliday once used the Draw on a guy in the street and the guy dropped dead of a heart attack. Talk about a powerful “Screw You.” Of course, it’s only a legend, so don’t be afraid of using this one on your friends.Some examples of the appropriate time to use the Draw are:a. When you see a good friend in the middle of the hall, especially if he’s carrying a lot of books.b. Whenever you’re in Arizona, Nevada, Utah, etc.c. On Halloween when you see someone dressed as a cowboy–or whenever you see someone in one of those “urban cowboy” hats.Screw You How-To:Pretend you’re pulling your Bird from your hip like a gun from a holster.Warning: Never, I repeat, never use this one on a police officer or a gang member, as they have real guns. Read more
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