Everything I Never Told You

EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU BY: CELESTE NG I first read, "Everything I Never Told You," when it was first published in 2014. I wanted to re-read it to see if it still was worthy of the five stars that I had rated it back then and it was. I have read "Little Fires Everywhere," and watched its miniseries produced by Hulu. In both novels Celeste Ng captures beautifully dysfunctional family dynamics. I loved both books and I would encourage you to watch the miniseries of "Little Fires Everywhere," because it is excellent and varies a little from the book. The acting is incredible. In both novels Celeste Ng explores how parents expectations of their children is the catalyst for a tragic outcome that they never expected. Also, in both novels that unexpected heartbreak is told to the reader in the very beginning. Since this is a review for "Everything I Never Told You," I will focus on that one. The setting is during the 1970's which makes, "Everything I Never Told You," a historical novel, but I still think that the themes within that are so expertly explored are still relevant today. Celeste Ng crafted a realistic depiction of the discrimination that Asian Americans still face today. This novel in my humble opinion is even more heartbreaking because the beginning lines tell the story of every parents' worst nightmare. The title is pitch perfect for what ensues during flashbacks of how the Chinese American family of the Lee's ended up in the incredibly sad position that they now face. It is not a spoiler to say that the beginning sentence tells that the middle child of three in this family is dead. The reason why I have included it in this review is because it is stated in the synopsis of this novel. Over the course of reading you will discover how this happened. Was it murder? By reading you will easily figure out what happened to Lydia. This one remains my favorite perhaps because of how it does a great job of the character development and the question of what if? You will not be disappointed in this deep dive of how it examines the cost of weighing what can result if you want a better life for your child and you pick a favorite child who you want to do and have all of the things that you didn't have. Is being the favorite more helpful or harmful to the child who you as a parent pin all of your hopes and dreams that you in your own life didn't achieve? If only? It is a question that will haunt you as you read this UNFORGETTABLE, but realistic story that centers on one family's struggles to reconcile one of life's toughest consequences. It did affect me just as powerfully as the first time I read it and I would rate it Five sparkling and bright stars and it is absolutely perfectly written. I wouldn't change a thing. Highly, Highly Recommended!

SPOILER ALERT!!! I really enjoyed this book. I was hooked from the beginning and it kept my interest all the way through. Celeste Ng writes beautifully and I am excited to read more from her. Like many reviewers pointed out this isn't an uplifting book (I didnt get the idea it would be), the author does get a little over the top with some of the plot points, but I think that actually works to magnify (what i believe) the extreme individual motivations of the parents James and Marilyn. Clearly this isn't a whodunnit mystery I think the superficial first layer of the book is to find out why Lydia died, but after we delve into who Lydia was alive, and who her siblings are, we get to the crux of the novel-- who the parents are-- because this is really all about them-- and this is why I really thought Ng really shone. I loved the way she let exposed the personalities of the parents, let it unravel slowly until we really see how this all ties in . Also, I don't think this novel is about race. (whether or not in Ohio in the 50's or 70's or whenever the kind of racisim could happen-is not the question) This novel is about perceptions and misperceptions. It's about what happens when you have a distorted and one dimensional viewpoint-- that such a 'chip on the shoulder' perspective-- can distort your personality. Here, it's through the distorted lens of James who views every experience and event in his life as a by product of his Chinese background--through Marilyn, a woman raised in the 50's, and see's her experiences as the inevitable product of sexist times. Other reviewers have pointed out that James and Marilyn are a little too exaggerated, but I disagree, I think they are self-involved -- so much so that their kids are direct extensions of themselves and therefore they play out their personalities in them. Long after James left his childhood behind-- after Harvard, after getting married, after having children, he continues to view his experiences (and now his kid's) lives through his warped lens, and in trying to get his son to have a different life-- actually creates the very same traits in him-- now Nathan bleieves he's being ridiculed when it doesnt happen much like James continues to believe. (certianly i'm not denying the racism he encountered-- but the author takes pains to show many (if not most) of his interactions James would assume racist overtones when there was no evidence of it -- ex. interactions with Fiske, and his assistant) Marilyn believes her ambition of being a doctor was thwarted by external forces-- she doesn't take repsonsibility for her own choices and in fact makes incredibly selfish decisions that would have a catastrophic effect (she could have realized those ambitions, she chose not to). The interesting point here is that Lydia's death exposes these incredibly narcissistic parents. They have no clue or empathy beyond themselves, neither of them really communicate or know each other or their children-- or seem to care to know them. Both of these educated and brilliant parents are clueless, and believe they are unselfishly motivated to give their children better lives. and each one defines this "better life" by what each parent wants for themselves and what would make THEM happy, and not what actually makes the kids happy. It's interesting that the child with the most empathy and intelligence and with (the most) objective point of view, was the youngest child, who James and Marilyn (and even the siblings) barely paid any attention to (and perhaps that's the point) was the most well adjusted. I agree with one of the reviewers that said we are not supposed to like John and Marilyn. Who could? I do think that the way Ng peels back the layers to reveal their personalities is brilliant. I especially liked the ending-- there is no poignant revelation, no redemption, not even the epiphany of realizing what really happened to their family-- just a vague, amorphous general feeling- they pretty much remained clueless, (which is why i believe many people found this depressing) -- I found it to be well done because it was far more credible and authentic.

This book is filled with sadness, with longing for love, of what might have been, what could have been or should have been. I heartily disliked Marilyn and James Lee who favor Lydia, their middle child, while they ignore oldest child, Nath, and youngest child, Hannah. These parents treat these two as if they don't matter. As the book continues, I kind of begin to see their way of looking at life, somewhat. James and Marilyn meet at college, both excellent, dedicated students. Marilyn has her heart set on being a doctor. She and James have an affair, James is so different than any man she has ever met. She becomes pregnant, so the two marry. Son, Nath, is born. Marilyn didn't want to be a doctor bad enough or she wouldn't have let this happen. But she loves James, she would have married him no matter what. Her divorced mother disowns her. Doris says her marriage to an Oriental isn't right. But for many years, Marilyn looks at women doctors and remembers that could have been her. James, a Chinese born in the United States, goes to a school in Iowa, the only Chinese student. His parents work at the school, his father a handiman, his mother a cook. He always felt out of place, never fitting in, being ashamed of his heritage. The children, Nath and Hannah look Chinese. Lydia has her father's black hair, but her mother's blue eyes. She looks very much like her mother, very Caucausion. James wants his daughter to be popular, for her peers to like her. He tells her continually to smile, to speak nicely to people, tells her ways to make others like and approve of her. James is never popular, well liked. He is a history professor in a small town college in Ohio, has tried to get a professor's job at a major university. He feels he is discriminated against because he is an Oriental. Marilyn has never cared about being popular and well liked. After Lydia's death, he has an affair with a young woman, Louisa Chen, his teaching assistant. This is the kind of woman he should have married he thinks. Lydia's mother wants her to be the doctor she never was, is buying her books about medicine, enrolling her in science classes, taking her to science fairs, pushing her towards medicine. Lydia loves her mother, hates to disappoint her mom, fears her mother will run away, will desert the family. Lydia turns sixteen and is tired of having to be somebody she is not and doesn't want to be. This this book is about another dysfunctional family and is filled with pain, with characters who want to love each other, especially Hannah, but don't know how to let others know. James feels inferior because he is Chinese. The book begins in the 50's with parents in school, continues until 1977. Have things changed since then? Let's hope so. The writing is sharp, good, detailed, beautiful writing. However, the book is too bleak and painful. The characters don't know each other nor do they want to. I feel sorry for the children for having such terrible parents, for not allowing them to be the characters they need to be and want to be. This book is so sad. A story of a marriage that never should have been. Of the cast of characters Marilyn is the worse, not knowing what she wants out of life and insisting her daughter, Lydia , be the person her mother always wanted to be.

This book is deeply engrossing, sad, heartbreaking, and disturbing. I didn't always understand or agree with a character's logic, but at least the characters were empathetic. The short of the story is that beloved seemingly perfect daughter, Lydia Lee, beautiful, intelligent, blue eyed, daughter of a Chinese-American father and white mother, is found missing, then finally found in the bottom of the lake. The character I was most disappointed in was James Lee, Lydia's father. He had a bereft, friendless childhood, make further miserable by racism. He lost opportunities because of his race, and his inability to be more than taciturn. He should have known better, and he should have shielded his family better. James is a terrible father, and I suppose singling out Lydia, who has blue eyes, was a method of coping - and his consolation. This book to me is all about the misfortunes about forfeiting honesty. No one speaks the truth, so the worst is imagined. It is so sad to see how good intentions, ambitions, and independent opinion can be suppressed, misinterpreted, when just talking - would have made so much so clear. I know older brother, Nath, who is going to Harvard, and is protector of his sister, is going to Harvard. Lydia loved her older brother, but childish jealousy, stubbornness, and ignorant pride got in the way. Everybody ignored the youngest child, Hannah, who was all too perceptive, and did not perceive the family as unhappy, but intuitively hid. I understand Lydia's pain. The complexity of her emotions and her abject fear. She is the middle child. She didn't want pressure and attention and the adoration of her parents, but she made a promise to herself when young, and she tried to keep that promise. She does not see that her parents are barely functional as parents - their efficacy long gone. Lies are relied on, and no one is more delusional than the parents. It is Nathan and Hannah, who know the truth. There is an eloquence to Celeste Ng's writing. A starkness and nakedness, but rendered with such love, the lines read like a lovesong. It was a joy reading the book. I didn't want to take a break from it. Even when describing awful painful things, I continued to read - not just to find out what was next, but for the sheer beauty of her writing. This isn't a perfect book, but upon the first few sentences, it will ensnare. I give this book five stars, because of its creativity, beautiful writing, sincerity, dearth, and absolute bravado. This is a brave book. And I embrace its existence.

Yes, it's a lot of detailed misery of a dysfunctional family. Yes, the time shifts from one decade to another. Yes, there are some tiresome passages. However, between the lines of the obvious, what is implied but not stated, is the kernel of this wonderful story. The biracial issue controls the entire story, stated clearly and often. The ineffectual father is who he is because he too was bruised by his ethnic identity. He thought he knew best how to save his children from the same prejudice. Alas, his children were just like he was. Cowed, afraid, ashamed, and reluctant. Their mother was a disappointment to her mother. Her mother was also a lost soul. Her father left home, and Marilyn was raised by her striving, disappointed mother. In turn, Marilyn, James' wife and mother to the three children in this book, followed her mother's recipes for disaster by insisting that her daughter, Marilyn be something she could never be. She even brought the dreaded Betty Crocker from her mother's home to her home. All these losses and social alienation went from generation to generation, intentionally promulgated by each generation of parenting. I found the father's actions, James's, perfectly logical regarding Louisa Chen. James could not undo his offspring's DNA or appearance, and could not reconcile society's proclamations of their status. But with Louisa Chen, he entertained a "do-over" -- a possible future reversal. The most interesting aspect of the text and each child's subsequent actions is the pecking order of the kids to their parents. Lydia's blue eyes apparently endeared her to her brown-eyed father; the other children also had brown eyes. Lydia was capable of scholarship, but as a pariah in her all-white community, she would never have the social support to reach for academic success. The son, Nath, was expected to go to Harvard like his father, but he wanted to study the cosmos and would have preferred MIT. All these things are nothing compared to what each child wanted most... a family who accepted them for who they were. Lydia was the preferred child, Nath and Hannah were simply extras on Lydia's stage, forgotten children; so unusual that the girl (Lydia) took precedence over the boy (Nath). The beauty of this text is the actual text itself. Sentences flow like honey from suggestion to action. Similies abound, the imagery is impeccable and the inevitability is profound. There is a point quite near the end, where it felt like something very big was about to be exposed, but Ms. Ng did not drop in any surprises. The revelations were parceled out in the right time and in the right amounts, so that when something becomes known to the reader, we already expected it. This last little red herring had the potential to be an unexpected explosion that would wreck the continuum, but it did not. This brief, almost alarming potential turn extinguished itself in an unimportant detail, but lets us, as readers know that it's the little stuff, the tiniest of observations, a slip of the tongue, a misperceived gesture that make the interpretation of people's actions (in life and fiction) unpredictable. It bothered me that so many people panned this wonderful book. It is a rich, multilayered, multigenerational story that as in life, we don't rely only on actions to be affected and changed.

The dynamics and tentative balance of the Lee family is a study in racism and the fierce battles to belong. The technical talent of Ms. Ng is remarkable. She is able to move the reader from the climax of the plot and invade our senses with flashbacks of this family in crisis. A terrible tragedy occurs to Lydia, the teenage daughter of Marilyn and James Lee, an “American” mother and Chinese father. No one knows the feeling of exclusion from society better than James, who apparently feels ostracized even as an adult. He is a college professor, teaching the history of the cowboy, of all things. He is accustomed to ridicule and wants his children, particularly Lydia, to have many friends, popularity and feel a part of a social crowd. Marilyn, on the other hand, is angry because she did not become the doctor or scientist and decides Lydia will be the one to attain those goals. Living vicariously through Lydia is a main thrust of the story. It is a sad commentary on our society and the mistakes too many parents make when believing their children want what they want. The family is dysfunctional, the oldest child, Nathan, is overly anxious to leave the nest and poor Hannah, the youngest, is almost totally ignored and starving for affection. Ng’s most credible perception of the family’s catastrophe is seen and through her eyes and heart. She is the omniscient one without knowing it. Marilyn’s presence as a mother comes at a great cost to the family. Her expectations preclude her from delving into her children’s hearts and knowing who they are. For an intelligent woman, she really believes her children have the same aspirations as she does. James is floundering and because he does not have a sense of belonging, it becomes a tragic tale. The plot is precise and the author’s prose enriches the story as the fabric of this family is shoved aside. It is heartbreaking but there are responsibilities that Marilyn has abandoned. At one point in their lives, Marilyn leaves and returns to school, abandoning her family. James is not equipped to help his children get through this upheaval. When Marilyn returns, she asks the children if they behaved while she was gone. She did not apologize or offer any explanation. Tragic consequences are now entering their lives. This is an outstanding first novel; I highly recommend it.

For the most part, I found this to be a very convincing, and therefore immensely sad, novel about a modern family. Marilyn (from Virginia and of European ancestry) and James (from somewhere in the West or Mid-West and of Chinese ancestry) are the loving and devoted parents of three children. Either one of them would ‘do anything in the world’ for their children, but each of them is convinced that that means protecting them from what he (she) feels to be the problems that blighted his (her) own life. It is the middle child, Lydia, who is the primary focus of the resulting passionate, parental expectations . Above all else, James wants Lydia to be ‘popular’, accepted by her peers. The book is set in the 1970’s and his vision of ‘popularity’ doesn’t apparently need to include relationships with the opposite sex. As a professor in a small college, he takes pride in what he thinks is her academic potential, but this is of secondary importance in his mind. It is ‘acceptance’ by the group that she ‘belongs’ to that matters. Teenaged Lydia spends hours apparently talking on the phone to her girlfriends. In reality she has no friends, but only her two siblings understand that this is so. For Marilyn, the mother, Lydia’s happiness depends on something very different. Lydia must become the doctor or the scientist that Marilyn had desperately wanted to be. A life spent in domesticity, striving only for the satisfaction of ‘making some man content’, is a life utterly wasted to Marilyn’s way of thinking. Happiness, satisfaction, a sense of self-worth can be Lydia’s only if she succeeds in breaking into the real world of achievement which used to be reserved for men only. Since Lydia’s earliest childhood, her mother has worked to inflame her interest in scientific learning. Marilyn has no doubt about her daughter’s abilities. She has no doubt that Lydia is, effectively, a younger version of herself. The story opens with Lydia’s disappearance. For the most part it is a chilling, compelling and fast-paced read. Toward the end, it became a little less compelling for me. Perhaps, I would have been more swept-up in the last part if it had been just a little shorter, but I think there was another reason also. I found the character ‘Jack’ (a teenaged neighbor) less interesting, less convincing than any of the other major characters. It is true that he was also not so ‘major’, but somehow his inclusion in the story (though it had some justification in the plot in terms of what Lydia’s brother’s reactions were) bothered me just a little. For these two reasons, I am going to rate this book with four (four and a half in my mind) stars.

It is very rare that I give a read a five star rating. I have a high list of literary criteria that a book must meet before I consider this. First, the point has to be solid. There must be a story within the story. History must be included or considered in the craft to be considered complex enough for me to consider this art. There must be an emotive quality or drive both for the protagonist and characters and for the "audience". Culture richness in this world is something easily avoided in books and movies but I find when this is the case, something serious is lacking. Even if the book is fantasy, culture should exist as well as a semblance of belief, even if that belief is science. There must be believable tension. It must benefit the reader in some way. It must show perspective, contour lines AND negative space. The book should carry a level of insight. Which brings me to metaphor and irony. These are the most important. A good voice for each character/narrator and an understanding of how that voice will be understood by the reader. Vivid, clear images that stay in a person's mind. I would rather read a good book than watch a movie because the pictures are better. I should be able to say this at the end of any decent written work. Characters must have complexity and depth. Extensive research must show. We do nothing great alone including invention. Every part of any work of art carries with it some element of influence. New ideas can be built from that influence and in my mind become the very definition of art when this is achieved. The editing must be done professionally, but not necessarily by a professional and I couldn't care less where you publish. My list is much longer but this will give you some idea of what I look for in a book. Having personally lost someone in my immediate family and having that death permanently destroy the family's structure even twenty years later, I can tell Celeste Ng, has done her homework in one way or another. This book exceeds above and beyond all of my expectations and I highly recommend it. Even a realistic take on human psychology is considered in this book and I have compared it to works such as, "As I Lay Dying," by William Faulkner, where in the midst of poverty (any kind of poverty such as physical OR emotional needs) people become Islands even in a crowd. This is the reality of competing for resources. Ng points out both the love and the damage that can unfold in the midst of communication absence and emotional neglect or emotional poverty. These two chaotic events existing under one roof can only result in both pain and enlightenment. The only negative thing I have to say about this book is, there is a typo in the last chapter - a "he," where there should be a "she". It's minor, but jarring for the reader. It pulls us out of the story. It's important to double check the work of editors. Regardless, I would be honored to read anything this writer has to offer. I would probably even resort to reading her calendar if the opportunity presented itself, just for fear of missing any element of the Muse. THIS book is timeless.

Une lecture qui fait réfléchir,en particulier sur le poids que font peser les attentes des parents sur leurs enfants , sur la notion d'amour désintéressé - ou pas tant que ça... De plus la narration est extrêmement bien menée et vous tient en haleine. Toutes les qualités, donc : l'intelligence et l'intrigue bien menée , ce qui est rare.

This is a beautifully sad piece of writing. Upon finishing it, I felt a need to just reflect on life and ask myself a few questions. It truly stirred me within. There is a great deal within the pages of this book for people from all sorts of backgrounds and circumstances to relate to. So much humanity.

As a reader, you want so desperately to turn back time for the Lee family, you get pulled into their world and wish for them to finally open their hearts and say what they are thinking....this is what a good writer can do.

Ela tem um jeito muito envolvente de descrever cada personagem e cada situação. Uma visão única sobre nossos pensamento diários e situações cotidianas. Virei fã!!!

I liked the way and order in which the story was revealed, intriguing! The writing was simple, not as in boring (at all), but more in a realistic way, and easy to relate to (altho bilingual, French is my first language, so if the writing is too poetic or "decorative", it can get confusing). Characters were lovable, but also had flaws, which is something I appreciate in novels. I look forward to another book from Ng!