Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Revised and Updated)

Reading this book really made me reflect on my relationships and the patterns I’ve fallen into. It helped me understand codependency in a way that actually made sense, and the examples felt so real and relatable. The advice isn’t just theoretical—it gave me practical steps to start setting boundaries and taking better care of myself. I’ve already noticed a difference in how I interact with others and handle my own emotions. Definitely a book I’ll be returning to and recommending to friends.

Having just finished three different books about violence, abuse, and trauma, this one was my favorite. This book offers a compassionate and accessible introduction to understanding codependent patterns and shifting toward healthier boundaries. It blends personal stories, practical insights, and gentle guidance in a way that feels supportive rather than overwhelming. While it isn’t a step‑by‑step manual, it provides a strong foundation for anyone beginning to recognize unhealthy dynamics and wanting to reclaim their sense of self. Readers looking for deeper clinical detail may want to supplement it with additional resources, but as a starting point for awareness and change, it’s a meaningful and empowering read.

I wasn’t exactly thrilled when my mentor suggested she thought I could be dealing with codependency. I started researching and decided to find a book and stumbled across this. After reading great reviews I bought it and started reading and read through half the book in one day. It’s so good. It is thorough in explaining what codependency is and how it looks different for different people. You don’t walk away feeling embarrassed or ashamed but enlightened and equipped. Within a WEEK I was recognizing my codependent tendencies and behaviors and am so aware of them I’m now able to catch most things before I even do them. It’s been a game changer in my relationships especially with my husband. So thankful i found this book!

Good read, very educational.

I feel I am a prime example of a codependant that I should be studied and questioned by several doctors. Main question they all would ask is "how did you live this long feeling so many.... Negative emotions??" As she states in here, the first step toward healing isn't acceptance, but AWARENESS. I bought this book awhile ago in desperation to see where things went wrong in an awful relationshi(t). As I always did, buying books, workout DVDs, etc, all these things I was excited for that will help me feel better about me and bring a new me! But as always, all those "fixes" collected dust as I lay on the couch or driving from A to B, reflecting, wallowing in self pity and falling deeper into depression. That lifestyle not only was my 20s but teen years as well. A worry wart on tight-rope named Anxiety looking at people live happily... I wish I could explain exactly where or when I started to see clearly, whichever "quote" I came across that helped me rise above my self-inflicted shi(t)storm... But basically I realized that the most important thing in life is attitude, and no one else is responsible for my emotions but ME. Sure, I was crushed and heartbroken by awful people, what I realized was that's a reflection of THEM. What got to me most was I wanted people to suffer for injustices not just on me but other lives in pain inflicted by mean people and narcissists(which I don't believe is a term to be used lightly). So much pain I've carried around. FOR YEARS. Finally, while moving and clearing clutter, I found this book again and stopped everything to start reading it. As I stated above, the only person responsible for my emotions is me, and this book delves into this and stretches this fact in ways so many people can comprehend and find a point where epiphanies are inevitable and one can benefit. I feel it to be versatile. Like many people are saying, it does reference alcoholism quite a bit, which was never really an issue in my circumference of humans, but that doesn't mean I wasn't able to see things in a different perspective, as well as remind me of soo much suffering from friends where alcolohism is the base of dysfunction. I've always been an empathetic, sensitive person who always feels helpless... and this book is a must-have tool for anyone and everyone who are trying to pinpoint their blame, sadness, indulgences, or whatever is keeping them from being the best person they can be. As she also states, there is no one definition/one size fits all, which makes maybe everyone a bit codependent IMHO, maybe not as habitual or harrowing as others, depending on ones life chapters/circumstances or situations... But in a way it helped see that we are more relatable. Definitely recommend for useful tips, and to gain a different perspective that perhaps wasn't computing before. Ha. So glad I finally read this book, and I hope it brings comfort and light to those lost in their own minds ❤️

This book has been a tremendous help for me. Ira gapped me with my anxiety & codependency. I’ve highlighted many points and will go back and read them again when I need a pick me up or reminder of just who the heck I am.

I keep purchasing this book to hand to clients. Glad to see a 2022 edition, with writing exercises, always a prompt to at least THINK about how you'd answer. And of course, I see myself despite being a therapist for 50 years, and offering advice in a regular column... so it's good to GET advice from someone who has truly been through the worst of the worst and come out loving and generous of heart.

Great book. Helpful explaining and things to implement to make your life better.